Dear addictive twenties,

Now that I’m in my late twenties with my dirty thirties knocking at my door I sit here in reflection of my early twenties. The years where party was life and life were to party, I knew it all and I was so invincible. Working hard days so I can be blind drunk and high as the clouds on days off. But the more I look deep within, I’ve come to the realisation that my alcohol and drug abuse was my coping mechanism for my depression and anxiety I didn’t want to face. I was wearing a mask to fit in becoming someone I wasn’t, because it was easier than coming face to face with it. But I guess that’s how you find your true self? By becoming someone, you are not.
The alcoholism started in my late teens it started as the cool thing to do with my high school friends and before I knew it, I was abusing it. I was binge drinking my weekends away from my late teens to my late twenties. Looking back, I have some great memories but then I also have not so good ones. The more I drank the more depressed I became. I knew very well alcohol was a depressant but that didn’t matter I just wanted it to take away the pain. Most nights it did but then I would have the horrible episodes of it making it worse. The next mornings of waking up to regret and just thought of why did I do that? All the while having the hangovers from hell was so horrible.
The weed didn’t start until my late twenties which I picked up to help me destress from a job I had at the time. It was like a dog-eat-dog kind of environment with bully culture and as you can imagine for someone who already had depression and anxiety, well my mental health went downhill so fast to the point of me becoming very suicidal. Every day became harder and harder to get out of bed. The weed was something I turned to in a time of desperation and well it helped me at first, I was feeling a lot better it was helping my anxiety. It somehow made me drink a lot less, but then I started to rely on it instead of facing the real issues. It was easier to just get high. The worst thing about it well I was content with it I didn’t see it as a problem and clearly it was.
I don’t regret any of it because it taught me some good lessons and well if I didn’t go though, it all I just might not be the person I am today sharing my experience with you. I’m not here to tell you never ever drink or smoke weed but take this into consideration do it responsibly and know your limit. Be brave and face what you don’t want to and be the person you are meant to be, because to world needs more of you.
As Always
Idella Lenore